Humble and Kind

Do you ever feel like the world turns its back against you or you just can't catch a break? I wish this was the case because I would not feel as disillusioned or disappointed to call people greedy messed up people christians. Aren't christians suppose to be the nice ones? Are't they suppose to help and lift each other up? All I can say is we live in a truly broken world. The older I get the older I understand how Elfaba felt when singing "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished."

My dad lost his job... again.. and it was not fair... again.

I want to go tell some "christian" backstabbers what I really think of them. I want to speak in front of their churches, be transparent, and call them out on their sins. I want to show the whole community how fake their leaders are. I WANT THE WHOLE LOT OF THEM FIRED TOO!!! My flesh wants vengeance, justice, and a knock-down-drag-out-fight..
 but..
you know what God has been telling me?
"Stay humble and kind, my child." 
I take a deep breath and then state, "BUT what if people never know the ugly truth?"
"Stay humble and kind, my child." 
"BUT what if they lie or not tell the whole truth about the situation to make them look better?"
"Stay humble and kind, my child." 
"BUT..."
"Stay humble and kind, my child." 
"Ok Lord, help me stay humble and kind because I cannot on my own.

Humble and Kind by Tim McGraw would pop on every time I got in the car, listened to the radio, walked into a store/restaurant. These words stuck with me the most:

Don't expect a free ride from no one

Don't hold a grudge or a chip and here's why:

Bitterness keeps you from flyin'

Always stay humble and kind

Hold the door, say "please", say "thank you"

Don't steal, don't cheat, and don't lie

I know you got mountains to climb

But always stay humble and kind

When those dreams you're dreamin' come to you

When the work you put in is realized

Let yourself feel the pride

But always stay humble and kind

Don't take for granted the love this life gives you

When you get where you're going don't forget turn back around

And help the next one in line

Always stay humble and kind

Hiatus Status Defeated

Well, hello world! No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth... just been in Ukraine for 2 years. I moved here after graduation and fell in love with the kiddos, made life-long friends of all ages/nationalities/personalities. God definitely provided a wonderful place to rest, re-group, and recharge. At times, I have had to lean on God more than ever, but other times I felt the farthest away from him. Honestly, I just lost sight of what matters. Thankfully, I serve a God who never leaves, never gives up, never stops pursuing. Choosing his way was hard but oh so rewarding. 

My built-in friends (aka the people I lived with) will forever carry a part of my heart. The beautiful country will forever make me smile. Their long suffering filled future will be in my prayers, thoughts, and wishes. 

To end this, I find it fitting to share the Ukrainian song молитва за украину (Prayer for Ukraine). 

http://youtu.be/K8wiIqcFI7E

My Cup Overfloweth

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!
This version of Psalms 23 keeps coming back to me. I have had this passage memorized since I was in first grade (King James version), but I love this interpretation and these descriptive words. Every time I read this a new part screams for my attention. Amazing how the word of the Lord is living and active, sharper than any double edged sword, and pierces hearts and minds since the time it was first written.

^{Psalms 23:}

1-3 God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing.
You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
you find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.
⁴ Even when the way goes through
Death Valley,
I'm not afraid
when you walk at my side.
Your trusty shepherd's crook
makes me feel secure.
⁵ You serve me a six-course dinner
right in front of my enemies.
You revive my drooping head;
my cup brims with blessing.
⁶ Your beauty and love chase after me
every day of my life.
I'm back home in the house of God for the rest of my life.

HE has taken care of me and I know that I will never have a need unfulfilled. It's nice to know that my worries are pointless.

Rest In Peace

 This last week has had its sad moments. Many lovely memories of people that have passed float through my head. I miss my grandparents, my uncle, and older family friends that have passed on. Thankfully these people had the same faith as I did. They taught me what they knew about God and lived lives glorifying Him. I can't wait to cross those pearly gates, as so many others have, to hug their necks and rejoice with them forever.

Thursdays with Morrie

I missed all of my classes the first week of school (because I decided to stay in Chicago for my uncle's death/wake/funeral) except for my Thursday 9:30 AM class (today). I almost skipped because I had gotten back to town late last night, had not bought any of my books, and had no way to prepare for class. For some reason, I kept feeling a nudge to attend class. I am soooo glad I listened to that "nudge" from the Holy Spirit because we watched the ending of Tuesdays with Morrie.
For those that have not seen it, this movie is about an dying elderly ex-professor teaching the important facts of life to one of his ex-students. I had seen it before in another class, but that did not stop the tears from flowing this time. I kept seeing flashbacks of my uncle and grandfather dying, especially since my uncle's funeral was yesterday. After class, I stayed to talk to my professor about missing class and the tears began to flow again. Thank goodness some sweet stranger gave me a tissue as she waited for her turn to talk with the professor or I don't think I could have finished that conversation. I consider my first day of class a success because I showed up and let God remind me of a few things about death.
This movie has so many profound quotes and life lessons but the one that stuck out the most to me is "Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live." My uncle died with his wife, children, extended family members and close friends around his bed praying with him and for him as he left this earth. He had people reminiscing of the old times, laughing, joking, crying and touching each other,  and saying thank you to him for living the way he did. Even though he did not want to die and leave his family behind, he knew how to die and where he was heading after death; therefore, he knew how to live.

Who Needs 6 Flags?

This past week(end) has been one of the hardest moments of my life. To briefly state why, I watched my uncle literally fade away from this earth. Even though he has been fighting cancer for 5 years, he went into the hospital thinking a couple of bags of fluid would fix the problem. 

Three days later, Jesus took him HOME, where there is no pain, sickness, suffering, or sorrow. 

Throughout those three days, family members, close friends, business partners and workers, and old friends came to say goodbye and thank you. One minute we would all be laughing as stories were told; the next minute everyone was crying because of some sweet thing said. Talk about a roller coaster of emotions! All of those emotions were raw, the real deal; and, all of those emotions were fighting for my time and attention. My emotions continued to tumble, fight, and roll up and down through the wake/funeral. Looking back, I am so thankful that I witnessed his last days here on earth. 

"Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol pretty much sums up how my soul is feeling right now. Jesus, can you meet me where I am? Can you lay here with me because all I can think about is soaking in your presence. 

New and Old are 1

This summer I began to read random books and specific stories from the Old Testament and now I am taking a the Message of the Old Testament this semester; I can't believe how much I have been learning about who God is. I am use to viewing God as my best friend, wanting to tell him my struggles and dreams, but I can't just box him in a best friend category because He is also my creator. Sometimes I forget that my God is powerful and mighty. The winds and the waves obey him. Nature sings praises to him.
People have told me that the Bible is a love story and now I am starting to see just how true that is. Especially in those hard to read books, like Leviticus, I can see how much God loves his people and how much he craves a relationship with them. He continually provides a way to maintain or retain a relationship with him. We are the stupid ones doing things that sever this precious relationship. Stupid decisions lead to tough consequences, hence the vengeful, jealous God.
This song popped up on pandora receintly and pretty much describes what I have come to realize. I actually stopped everything I was doing and had a "this is real life" moment...