Roses From Ashes

So I would say that my prayers were going cold and faith becoming old, but tragedy has a funny way reversing my spiritual life. I attend a private Christian university that seems to have a bubble around it because nothing really bad penetrates through. Something happened, something really bad happened. To see and read about all of the details, go to http://bigcountryhomepage.com/search-fulltext?nxd_id=432957 or some of the other articles about the fatal bus crash on 11-4-11. I cried for people I did not know, I prayed for those still in the hospital, and found/gave support from those around me. My prayers and faith became anything but cold and old. Through this sorrow, I can rise...

Picture by @kdionne

Rise by Shawn McDonald

It's a Slow Fade

SIf you saw me today, you would probably think that I am very busy but doing alright. That is far from the truth. I use my business as an excuse/mask to hide the real problem (running away from God). I'm not quite sure which path to take so I just turned my back away from the "love of my life."

I don't really know when it started, but somehow Jesus became my almost lover. It's not easy because no matter how hard I try to run from Him, I can't escape Him. I see Him in sunsets, selfless acts, kind words from friends, starry nights.... the list goes on. I know I will be reunited with him someday, I just don't know when or how. Sometimes I feel like Jonah because I think I out ran God, but then I see something spectacular and realize that running from God is impossible.

^the view on my way to school (a.k.a. my whale that swallowed me whole)

Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy

...I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot try the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind...

Jumping in the Puddles

Life is messy... nuff said.

Ok, so maybe that is not all I learned these past couple of weeks, but that pretty much sums it up. No matter how much I plan, schedule, and work there will never be a guarantee that things will go right. The other big lesson that God taught me is don't worry, but I didn't really get it the first time so then He told me to stop worrying. BUT I still didn't get it so it took some extreme measures until He finally got the message "QUIT WORRYING" through my stubborn head.

Life can be crazy, confusing, and celebratory all at the same time. The gramma in Parenthood (1998) explains it best in this metephore:

Grandma: You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster.

Gil: Oh?

Grandma: Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride!

Gil: What a great story.

Grandma: I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.

Gil was complaining earlier how life is messy and he hates mess. The crazy old Grandma (who doesn't know anything) took this teachable moment and ran with it. Yes, life goes up and down and all around, but you get more out of life that way.

Don't Worry 'Bout A Thing by SheDaisy

VERSE

Ever been misunderstood, misused, or misled

Ever knocked on the sky and had it fall on your head

Well don't worry 'bout it, don't worry

Ever lost your luggage, your marbles, your house

Or found yourself in bed with Uncle Sam or Micky Mouse

Ever been accused of murder on music row

Or caught in morning traffic when you really gotta go, oh no

CHORUS:

Life is funny, life's a mess

Sometimes a curse, sometimes a blessing

Don't worry 'bout a thing, don't worry 'bout it

Life is sticky, life can bruise

Sometimes you win sometimes your losing

No mater what it brings, don't worry 'bout a thing

VERSE

Ever sat yourself down when the seat is all wet

Or seen your ex sucking face with a little brunette

Don't worry 'bout it, no don't worry

Ever lost your religion, ever lost your best friend

Ever found your last record in the bargain bin

Ever been stuck in a divorce like crazy glue

Or scraped someone els's gum off the bottom of your shoe, oh no

CHORUS

We all got a little junk in the trunk

And when you're feelin' good as sunk

Remember, everything will be just fine

If I laugh at yours then you'll laugh at mine

CHORUS

Just Missin' My Pa

It's been almost 7 years since I've seen my grandfather's face or heard his laughter. To say that I miss him is an understatement. When he died, he left a gaping hole in my life that I thought no one could fill. Ever so slowly that hole shrank as God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit became more prominent in my life. I hope he can see what is going on down here and I hope it makes him proud.

I believe one day, Jesus will come back for us so that we can spend eternity with God in heaven. Sometimes when I see a breathtaking sunset or gaze up at the stars I feel close to heaven. I've been told heaven is a wonderful place, so wonderful that words can't even describe it. These thought might sound jumbled, but I I would like to share a poem that I wrote several years ago. Hopefully this will tie everything together...

Everyone lives a short life,

Everyone has to go sometime;

Don't try to hold on all your life.

Sometimes you have to let them go

And fly away to a better place,

Where there is no pain, and it's all wonderful.

I think about it every night and say

I'll spread my wings and fly away.

Maybe then we can meet eye to eye

And be like the angels in the sky...

I believe I can touch the sky.

FRieNdS

Make new friends, but keep the old

One is silver, the other is gold.

A circle is round, it has no end

That's how long I want to be your friend.

I learned this song as a daisy in Girl Scouts, and yes it might be cheesy but it has held true. If I ever learned anything from Girl Scouts, it would be how precious friends are. Friends are the tangible things here on earth that keep me going strong in my faith. They save me from being crushed by the pressures of this world. They taught me how to laugh and enjoy the precious moments of just being together. Whether I met you in uruguay or in my home town, know that I would not have made it this far without your help. This song expresses my thankfulness to God for giving me good friends.

"Those Nights" by Skillet

...I remember when we used to laugh
About nothing at all, it was better than going mad
From trying to solve all the problems
We're going through, forget 'em all
'Cause on those nights we would stand and never fall
Together we faced it all...

I'm Gonna Shine This Light of Mine

Ok, so it is the 4th of July and of course "Firework" by Katy Perry keeps running

through my head. Now y'all are probably thinking that this song has no correlation with the bible, but I beg to differ. The first verse that came to mind was Matthew 5:14-16; “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." The world will live in darkness unless people share their "light" shining in them. Now the devil loves to extinguish this light and has perfected his ways at hiding this light from the world. How can we as christians protect our own light and carry our candles into the darkness without being snuffed out?

"Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are healthy, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are unhealthy, your body also is full of darkness. See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness. Therefore, if your whole body is full of light, and no part of it dark, it will be just as full of light as when a lamp shines its light on you.”

Luke 11:34-36

Just as the children's song simply puts it: This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine all the time.

"Firework" by Katy Perry

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,
drifting through the wind
wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
like a house of cards,
one blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel already buried deep?
6 feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite, the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

You don't have to feel like a waste of space

You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite, the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

Boom, boom, boom

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through-ough-ough

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Slow Down Sista

Life can be hectic, full, busy, stressful.. need I go on? For some reason I thought that this summer I would take it slow and stay in town. Somehow working 10 hours a week, taking 2 summer courses,being in 2 weddings, and going on a last minute mission trip would be taking it slow and easy. Funny how things tend to sneak up on you and then bite you in the butt! Well, this month I have been really bad aboutblogging and this song pretty much spells out the problem. It's hard to find God in my day if I don't allow time to search for him. One of my favorite verses states, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans togiveyou hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart" (Jeremiah 29:11-13). I need to force myself to slow down and enjoy the little things because this is where I can find God.

"I Saw God Today" by George Straight
Just walked down the street to the coffee shop,
Had to take a break,
I've been by her side for eighteen hours straight,
saw a flower growing in the middle of the sidewalk,
pushing up through the concrete,
Like it was planted right there for me to see,
The flashing lights,
The honking horns,
All seem to fade away,
but in the shadow of the hospital,
at 508,
I saw God today,

Chorus:
I've been to church,
I've read the book,
I know He's there,
But I don't look,
near as often as I should,

His fingerprints are everywhere,
I just look down and stop and stare,
open my eyes and then I swear, I Saw God Today,

Saw a couple walking by,they were holding hands,and she had that glow,
Ya, I couldn't help,
but I noticed that she was starting to show,
stood there for a minute,
taking in the sky,
lost in that sunset,
a splashing down from mounting in shades of red,
Chorus
Got my face pushed up against the nursery glass,
she's sleeping like a rock,
my name on her wrist,
wearing tiny pink socks,
she's got my nose,
she's got her Mama's eyes,
my bran new baby girl,
she's a miracle,
I Saw God Today

A Friend That Stays

Time changes everything. Buildings are torn down or erected anew. Cities expand or shrink. People come and go. Children grow up. Friends and family members get married. Through out all of this change in time, there is one thing that has never changed and that will never change. He is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and end. He is my Savior, Messiah, Redeemer and FRIEND...

He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.

John 1:10-13

I believe in His name and His power. I received His gift, the Holy Spirit, that lives in my heart. Even though I mess up and fall down, I know he won't leave me. I claim that I want to be independent and do things my own way, but I know that is not His way. These past couple of weeks I haven't been putting Him first and then I heard this song on the radio. Lord this was the wake up call that I needed to hear.

"Please Don't Leave Me" by PINK

Ring, Ring, Rings After Spring

Well, June 4 will always be a special day for the recently married Pierce and Amanda Carpenter. My first time to be a bridesmaid is over and done with, but I still have a smile. The saying "Once a bridesmaid, always a bridesmaid" does not damper my spirit, even though I am blessed to be another bridesmaid in August. During the rehearsal dinner, they showed this cute little slideshow with pictures of Amanda and Pierce growing up accompanied with cute love songs.

It got me to thinking about how I am the bride of Christ. He is my best friend and I cant wait to spend eternity with him. This song reminds me of that special relationship I just described.

Photos done by Jennifer Nieland

"Lucky" by Jason Mraz (Glee Version)

Do you hear me? I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooh ooh ooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

Chorus:

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again

I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair

Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning 'round
You hold me right here, right now

Chorus

Say "Hello" to my Little Fiend

My arch enemy knows my dark secrets, my hidden struggles, my selfish actions, and my faults. My biggest foe knows how do find my weak points and use them against me. The fiend I have been describing is no other than Satan. Although heissmart, cunning and lethal, I am not left helpless. I have ways of fighting himoff. "Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powersof this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have doneeverything, to stand" Ephesians 6:11-13. When my last day here on earth comes, I know where I will end up, but until then I'll keep singing this song to the Devil..

^^from postsecrete.com

"MEAN" by Taylor Swift

You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me
You have knocked me off my feet again got me feeling like I'm nothing
You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard, calling me out when I'm wounded
You, pickin' on the weaker man
Well, you can take me down with just one single blow
But you don't know what you don't know

Chorus:

Someday I'll be living in a big old city

And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so mean?

You, with your switching sides and your walk-by lies and your humiliation
You, have pointed out my flaws again as if I don't already see them
I'll walk with my head down trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you
I just wanna feel okay again

I'll bet you got pushed around, somebody made you cold
But the cycle ends right now 'cause you can't lead me down that road
And you don't know what you don't know

Chorus

And I can see you years from now in a bar, talking over a football game
With that same big loud opinion but nobody's listening
Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things
Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing

But all you are is mean
All you are is mean and a liar and pathetic and alone in life
And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean

Chorus

Someday, I'll be, living in a big old city
(Why you gotta be so mean?)
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
(Why you gotta be so mean?)
Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
(Why you gotta be so mean?)
And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

Jumping in the Puddles

An older song came on the radio today and for some reason older songs catch my attention. It was as if God was saying, "Hello, I'm here. Don't give up on my yet. The best is still to come." Dark times, rainy days, sad moments all have potential to morph into something great. I picked this picture because it is the only picture I have taken with an umbrella, but it also reminds me of a rainy day turned good. This was in Uruguay when I studied abroad. It had been raining nonstop for 7 days but we had high hopes for a wonderful sunny Saturday. Unfortunately we woke up to rain for the 8th day but we were so tired of staying cooped up in our little cold Casa ACU that we ventured forth into the street. Our whole group was cold and wet when we left on our little miracle walk (as I now call it) but suddenly the sun came out and the rain completely stopped! We ended up walking aimlessly around Montevideo, never getting lost but also never knowing exactly where we were. In the end, everyone got to secretly see what they wanted, plus the sun came out and made us all happy inside. I know God will give me more "miracle walks" if I trust him when times get bad.. The author of Psalms 91 must have also come to this revelation. I too choose to let Him be my REFUGE and my FORTRESS. In other words I want Him to hold my umbrella as He sings this song to me.....

"Umbrella" by Rihanna

[VERSE 1]
You had my heart, and we'll never be worlds apart
Maybe in magazines, but you'll still be my star

Baby cause in the Dark,

You can't see shiny Cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share
Because..,

[CHORUS]
When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
That I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, Imma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella (Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)

Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

[VERSE 2]
These fancy things, will never come in between
You're part of my entity, Here for Infinity
When the war has took it's part
When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard, Together we'll mend your heart
Because...

[CHORUS]

[BRIDGE]
You can run into my Arms
It's okay don't be alarmed
(Come into Me)
(There's no distance in between our love)
So Gonna let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more
Because ..

[CHORUS]

It's raining (raining)
Ooo baby it's raining
baby come into me
Come into me
It's raining (raining)
Ooo baby it's raining
You can always come into me
Come into me......

** This photo is from postsecret.com. I saw this posted one time and it really hit me. That was exactly how I felt. The you was God for me. "I would not have made it without you" is an understatement.

What Does Heart Vomit Look Like?

Let me take you back to one of the best devotionals I have ever heard. I was junior volunteering at the middle school retreat for the first time. I don't really remember what the theme was or what he really said but the main point has stuck with me for many years. He wanted to make a point about how vomit shows us what a person has eaten. It shows us what is in the stomach.. there is no way of hiding the evidence of what a person has eaten. It is all there (I think this is where he actually holds up a ziplock bag of vomit). That sounds gross right? Well then he relates how our hearts are the same way. He goes on by asking us what would our heart's vomit look like?

Proverbs 27:19 states, "As the water reflects the face, so one's life reflects the heart." Right now, I do not like what my heart vomit looks like and this song is pretty much what I tell God.

"The Reason" by Hoobastank

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

and the reason is You [x3]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

Madi's Thoughts For A Day...

I am indeed, a little teapot. I don't think of myself as short or stout, but teapots come in more than one shape, you know? They also come in many colors and varieties, and it's true what they say, variety is the spice of life. I mean, have you ever tried to cook without any spices? The food that comes out is not so good. What would ice cream be with no vanilla? Frozen sugar....yum.Well like I said, about being a teapot. I am one. I have a handle and a spout, and that's all you need in life. If you've ever gotten me steamed up, then you KNOW I can shout. Sometimes it takes God to tip me over and pour me out.

Just some thoughts for the day...

*I asked Madi to help me out with my blog thoughts and this is what came out... here is the song that she picked too

"Beautiful" by Bethany Dillon

I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

[Chorus]
I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

[Chorus]

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful