Finding Happiness in Perfection

This past week I felt like a failure for several reasons....

I like this guy, but I dont know what to do about it.

I want to be a good role model to the people around me, but I dont even know what is good or bad any more.... the world is turning grey.

Last but not least, my grades keep plummeting no matter how hard I try.

This song came on the radio and made me smile cuz this is exactly what my conversation with God would have sounded like....

"Perfect" by PINK:

Made a wrong turn, once or twice.

Dug my way out, blood and fire.

Bad decisions, that's alright.

Welcome to my silly life.

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood.

Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down.

Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated.

Look, I'm still around.

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel

Like you're less than' perfect.

Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing,

You're perfect to me

You're so mean when you talk about yourself; you were wrong.

Change the voices in your head; make them like you instead.

So complicated, look happy, you'll make it

Filled with so much hatred, such a tired game.

It's enough; I've done all I can think of.

Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same.

Woah ohh, pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel

Like you're less than' perfect.

Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing,

You're perfect to me.

The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear.

The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer.

So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time.

Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere.

They dont like my jeans; they don't get my hair.

Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time.

Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel

Like you're less than perfect.

Pretty,pretty please, if you ever, ever feel

Like you're nothing, you're perfect to me, yeahhh.

You're perfect, you're perfect

Ohh pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel

Like you're less than' perfect.

Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel, like you're nothing

You're perfect to me

So this weekend I was able to go on a family retreat. Several people compliment on how I looked (including that special boy) and how I had grown up. I don't think they realized what an impact they had on me. It was as if God wanted to remind me that I am perfectly and wonderfully made -- end of story

Don't Leave Me This Way

< this picture was on a gravestone in Montevideo, Uruguay. The girl was known for living life to the fullest and being a passionate lover. What would people put on your gravestone?

I am having a personal inner struggle with who I want to be and who I am. I want to be that person everyone feels comfortable to be around. I want to trust my feelings and emotions rather than sell myself short. I want to live for Christ and be His passionate lover. Unfortunately, I doubt myself and let fear take control of my actions. I don't know what God's perfect plan [that He tells me about in Jeremiah 29:11] is but I want to commit to living a passionate life...

Help Me Out God by Superchick

Help me out God
I need a little something
Turn the brights on
I can't see where we're going cause I don't know
when things'll work out just fine
Or if this road we're on leads us up
Or is leading me on down to my wishing well
Where I might drown
Oh I might drown
Cause I can't swim without you God

Help me out God

I need a little something

Hold my hand

So I know that I'm not falling down or spinning around

Or am I really just fine is this the vertigo I fell

Just simply fear or maybe real it's a long way down

And I might fall and I might fall cause

I can't stand without you God

Help me out God
I need a little something
Just enough so I don't lose hope
Before morning comes cause in the sun things'll work out just fine
but this night's been extra long I fear I won't make it to the dawn
Cause the night is dark and I might doubt and I might doubt cause
I can't hope without you God
Just enough for today get me through til tomorrow

Only a Prayer Away

Parts of Unanswered Prayers by

Garth Brooks

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs

That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

...I guess the Lord knows what he's doin' after all ... And then and there I thanked the good Lord
For the gifts in my life

Some of God's greatest gifts are all too often unanswered...
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

There have been many times that I struggle with God saying no or not answering my prayers. One of the darkest times in my life was after my Pa died. I had prayed continuously for him to get better and I fully believed God would heal him. The morning we got the call that Pa had died, my first thoughts were shock. I thought it was some kind of sick joke because I had never prayed for anything as hard as I did for his life. I still do not know why his life was taken in such a fast unexpected way, but I have definitely grown from this experience and minister to people going through similar experiences. Another prayer I prayed had to deal with my dad loosing his job. I was soooo mad that I prayed and wished harm on all of the people responsible for kicking him to the curb after working consecutively 22 years. God has taken away that pain, hurt and pure anger even though the men responsible for firing my dad are still "in control." Really God was/is/will be in control. He truly knows what He's doing.. even if I can't the reason why. So many good things have come from this painful experience, including me and my dad growing closer.

Here is a verse that I would like to point out that talks about the power of prayer. I love to read this verse when I don't think there is such a thing as the

POWER OF PRAYER.

James 5:13-15

Are you hurting? Pray. Do you feel great? Sing. Are you sick? Call the church leaders together to pray and anoint you with oil in the name of the Master. Believing-prayer will heal you, and Jesus will put you on your feet. And if you've sinned, you'll be forgiven—healed inside and out.

"On and On" by Chasen

Awake tonight
I’m breathing the air of the night sky
Listening and wanting
An answer to questions You’re wondering
I never thought it ever would be possible
To cross the lines we drew
That govern what we say and do
But no height and no depth could separate us

Chorus:
Some say we need a miracle
Some say there’s no hope at all
But I know that Your love is strong, it goes on and on
and on and on
Rise up when it gets us down
It’ll be the voice in a blaring crowd
Because we know Your love will lead us home
It goes on and on and on and on…

I tried my way
It always ends up being a mistake
But You’re right when You say
That You set the time for the plans You make
I never thought that I could ever learn to let it go
Somehow its better when I follow in the paths You show
So I’m here I’m waiting
Cause I believe

Chorus

There is no fear of belief
There’s just this cold reality
That wants to take me away from You
There is no doubt in my mind
That in Your perfect time
Your plans and Your ways will unfold.

Chorus

Your love is, Your love is

Puttin It All Together

Fellowship-- one word that describes my love for my christian friends. Communing, worshiping, praying and just being makes my week. I usually get my fill on wednesday night, but this week I was blessed to see/worship with a small group tonight too. Filling good andcomplete, i walked alone in the smokey darkness (there is a bad grass fire in Rotan) back to my dorm and turned on some jams. The glee version of this song came on and I instantly connected with it.

"One Love" by Bob Marley

One Love, One Heart
Let's get together and feel all right
Hear the children crying (One Love)
Hear the children crying (One Heart)
Sayin' give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right
Sayin' let's get together and feel all right

Let them all pass all their dirty remarks (One Love)

There is one question I'd really like to ask (One Heart)

Is there a place for the hopeless sinner

Who has hurt all mankind just to save his own?

Believe me

One Love, One Heart
Let's get together and feel all right
As it was in the beginning (One Love)
So shall it be in the end (One Heart)
Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right
One more thing

Let's get together to fight this Holy Armageddon (One Love)

So when the Man comes there will be no no doom (One Song)

Have pity on those whose chances grow thinner

There ain't no hiding place from the Father of Creation

Sayin' One Love, One Heart
Let's get together and feel all right
I'm pleading to mankind (One Love)
Oh Lord (One Heart)
Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right
Let's get together and feel all right

Eyes on the Prize

Sickness, Doubt, Worry, Excitement, Drama....

Life in college is not always a blast (like I thought it would be), but I feel like I have grown sooooo much from this chapter in my life. This song popped into my head and made me smile because it is so true. Why go back to those "easier"days of kindergarden when life is full of riches.. and rags? Philippians 3:12-14 explains why we should press on... we press on to reach the goal. You know, that goal of making it to heaven and living eternally with God! My near future might not be known, but that won't hinder me.

I choose to press on!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLNcsqHwoXI

"Pressing On" by Relient K

I think we're going somewhere.

We're on to something good here.
Out of mind, out of state.
Trying to keep my head on straight.
I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here.
There's only one thing left to do.
Drop all I have and go with you.
Somewhere back there I left my worries all behind.
My problems fell out of the back of my mind.
We're going and I'm never knowing (never knowing) where we're going.
To go back to where I was would just be wrong.
I'm pressing on.
Pressing on, all my distress is going, going, gone. (pressing on, pressing on)
And I won't sit back, and take this anymore.
'Cause I'm done with that, I've got one foot out the door.
And to go back where I was would just be wrong
I'm pressing on.

I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here.
Out of mind, out of state.
Trying to keep my head on straight.
I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here.
Adversity, we get around it.
Searched for joy, in you I found it.

You look down on me, but you don't look down on me at all.
You smile and laugh, and I feel the love you have for me.
I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here, and we're gonna make it after all.